Oh, those wacky Mormons

I have never really had much contact with Mormons (Trust me, Dad and I don't let them into heaven). I can't get with anyone that doesn't drink or have sex before marriage. No pre-marital sex is basically the biggest sin there is. I get mail from fans and followers from time to time. A loyal Jesus devotee sent me this pictue of Mormon underwear, called "temple garments." Now I don't know what the fuck those things are, but I've been told it represents the sacred and personal aspects of their relationship with God. I don't know if this "God" they are referring to is Dad, but TRUST ME, he does NOT want women wearing that crap. If I know one thing about Dad, he likes chicks, and the less amount of clothes the better. While Mormons may call these things "holy underwear," the only thing Dad or I would endorse as "Holy Underwear" would be some kick ass lingerie worn by a super hot model. Now excuse me while I go drink a soda, a beer, a coffee, take a shot of tequila, and have some pre-marital sex. Text me from hell, Mormons.