This is just getting ridiculous

A new research group believes that 4,300 years ago, chimps were using stones as hammers to crack open nuts. This "theory" is ridiculous on so many levels. It is just the continuation of liberals promoting their evolutionary agenda, trying to disprove my teachings, miracles, and basically my entire life, as well as everything my Dad has worked so hard to create on Earth.

I am so sick of all of these evolutionary theorists trying to convince the rest of us sane people that humans came from monkeys. It is just an absurd thing to even think about. Last time I checked, I DO NOT have hair all over my face, hands, legs, back, stomach, and feet. Look at that chimp- it doesn't even look AT ALL like a person. So dumb. Next thing you are going to try and convince me of is that my Dad didn't create the entire universe. I am sick of arguing about this, cause you can't argue with facts. I am going to go perform some miracles to cheer myself up. Anyone have some water? I feel like getting boozed up. On wine! Cause I can turn water INTO wine. You probably already knew that though.